Thursday, April 12, 2012

Faerie Art and Life (kinda personal)

'Moon Dancer' by Sasha Fitzgerald

WELL. Consider my cheeks fully flushed! 

'Shades of Blue Faerie' by Sasha Fitzgerald
Those of you who follow my art, know that one of my favourite subjects to paint are Faeries. Ever since I saw Brian Froud's book of Pressed Faeries, I never turned back. He was and is such a huge inspiration to me. I'm sure he's heard that from many, maaaany artists by now, who were also inspired by his amazing works. 

I'm just beaming that someone is saying something like that about me! Thank you Susanna! <3

As for a book of tips and tricks to drawing faeries - that sounds like a fun idea! But I'm not sure what sort of things people are interested in learning. Does anyone have any ideas or questions or suggestions?

On another note (kind of depressing in parts, now that I look at it, so fair warning) - Over the past year I've been going through a major art block. I don't really feel drawn or inspired to painting anything, like you see here.

The idea of starting (or finishing) a painting, feels like doing dishes, going to the dentist, or some other tedious, generally unpleasant task. It's been like this for a while, and I'm not even sure sure if I can call myself an illustrator anymore, though it breaks my heart to even think it. 

'Shy Fire Faerie' by Sasha Fitzgerald
I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, though I have some idea. I've been slowly recovering from... basically a nervous break down that I had in January of last year. I had an overwhelming panic attack, and was left with a lot of anxiety that has taken a while to alleviate and feel back to normal again. I had to leave school to recuperate, and am still not well enough to work in an actual 'job' (which is hard to admit). I was also financially crippled, and rung out with stress over how long my mom and I were going to be able to afford living in our home. Bill after bill... it never seemed to end (and still doesn't in a way). Up until a few months ago, I hadn't bought a new pair of pants in about two years, and the ones I did have were thrifted. I'm also very overweight; went from 140 pounds, to 240 pounds within three years. Obvious signs of something not quite right. 

I feel as if I've experienced, and sometimes still experience, the destruction of a person's will, hope, and soul. I know, that sounds really harsh and scary, or something. But I try to think of it as... growing, learning, and life experience. 

My anxiety and panic disorder gives me the opportunity to understand and sympathize (and maybe even help) with those who suffer from mental illness. Living with the barest of necessities, with very, very little money, has given me the opportunity to appreciate what I do have and receive, and gives me a sense of happiness when I can give to someone who has little as well. Gaining weight to the point of - ugh - obesity, has been a gift as well, believe it or not. I never realized how vain I was, and how judgmental I was of other peoples' appearances.  When I am fit and healthy again, I will never, ever feel self conscious that my belly isn't perfectly flat, that my legs are naturally rather chubby shaped, or that my body is adorned with glittering stretch marks. I will revel in it, and treasure it! 

In conclusion - life is a journey - and it's comprised of good, bad, and boring. Things we have to experience, overcome, and at times accept. I'm slowly working towards getting fit and healthy, feeling more comfortable in social situations and outdoors, and working hard to build my business. I feel that when I'm closer to who I want to be (and who I truly am), I will be able to create art with passion and love once again. 

Thank you Susanna for making me feel good about my art, and letting me know that I've inspired someone. Little things like this make a big difference :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Every comment is read and appreciated! I love hearing your thoughts! :)
Feel free to leave a link to your blog so I can check it out! :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...