Thursday, May 17, 2012

One of those personal posts again ~ Sasha a recent history

Hey everyone!

This is going to be one of those semi-personal posts once again. This time the topic is weight gain/weight loss.

Here is a timeline of my weight loss and weight gain.


Me and Lisa at Anime Evolution

I used to think I was such a heifer, weighing around 175 pounds. So over several months, I got my weight down to 135-140. 

Later in 2007

At the pub, making fools of ourselves

I got down to about 135 pounds. Obviously I'm naturally kind of shapely and voluptuous, so I don't have as thin of  a shape as the girl next to me. But I didn't really care about that kind of this. I liked my body the way it was. 

Me and Colleen at a pub with friends

I love beauty - the feminine curves of a body, perfect shape of a face, beautiful eyes, lips, nose, thick luxurious hair - I love it. This (picture above), is the prettiest picture ever taken of me. The angle, the colours, everything. I've always loved it. It's not exactly 100% accurate to my face though. But still, I was happy with the photo ^_^

And then I got a boyfriend (my first and only "serious" one)

Lisa, Me, Him
 And then he dumped me via Facebook (yeah, I know, eh?). 

And then I got really depressed. The whole time span of these events are pretty blurry in my head, especially the memories of the relationship. I think I was going through a lot of pain I couldn't mentally deal with, so my brain just put a really thick fog over those memories. The pain wasn't really about him though - it was an idea of abandonment, lack of worth, fear of being alone and never loving again, and the worst part - becoming sick at the fact that I had acted completely unlike myself the whole time just to impress someone, who probably wasn't impressed at all. 

So then I stayed in my room for a month or so. And ate chocolate, and drank pop, every single day. I watched the whole Stargate series (which was amazing), and slowly recuperated. I also read until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, so that I wouldn't have time to think before I fell asleep.

So I started to gain weight, slowly and steadily. About at this time I started going to a psychiatrist to figure out how to deal with my anxiety disorder (that was a whole process and experience in and of itself).


This is when I started noticing that I was putting on weight.

See my tummy peeking out? And my thighs getting bigger, and maybe my boobs too. I remember really hating this picture, but not enough to kick my new junk food addiction.


By this point I was really packing on the pounds. 

Yay dorky photo of moi

Julia and Me at Granville Island - Ash was taking the photo

Me, Ash, Julia

My dear friend Ashley was visiting us from California that summer. It was such an amazing summer! I miss her so much... 

My heart was fully repaired by this point, and I was already falling madly for someone else (unfortunately that didn't work out, but I didn't lose my heart and my "self" like I did before).

2009 & 2010 

Started University, met a lot of amazing people. Continued to gain weight like a champ. 

Me, a school assignment where we were practicing taking motion shots with cameras
1st year

2nd year

Crystal, me, Naomi, Victoria, Karen, and Becca

I had really gained a lot of weight by this time.... But there was still more to come.

and a few more pounds...

Me with the brats at their grandparents house

I feel like I've woken from a bad dream, only to realize it wasn't a dream at all. Or the me that I am right now is just someone from a parallel universe or something, where everything is the same except for roly poly me.

I am 250 friggin' pounds. Holy Shit Batman. 

So not only is this incredibly UNHEALTHY and making life SUCK, it is also highly annoying. I bump into things randomly because I don't really comprehend the amount of space I take up, my knees and feet hurt like a son-of-aaa, and I'm just plain ugh. 

I'm using my journal, and you friendly folks, as a way to work toward a healthier lifestyle, and plan to chronicle my weight loss/gain journey each week. Here's to coming back to me! :)

Have any of you out there struggled with weight before? Whether it be gain or loss? Share your story :)


  1. Hi Sasha, I have struggled with my weight all of my life, I have taken measures to lose it which I started at the beginning of February this year. I first stopped eating at a certain time of night, about 7pm, I gave up tea which helped me to give up really fattening cream... I drank a lot of cream...

    Then I went through a 30 day cleanse in April, where I gave up things like refined sugar, wheat and dairy...

    Finally I picked up walking as much as I possibly could, now I am going to work with a personal trainer for a week to see if I can get myself to the next level.

    I have lost 44 pounds to date, I am determined to get to a better weight, I have NO desire to be skinny, ever... I LOVE, LOVE my curves. David loves my curves, he is thrilled I am doing this for me, I am doing it for NO ONE but me... that is a first for me.

    Good luck, I am looking forward to following along with you, I will let you know how I am doing as well, we can do it together over the internet.

    By the way, I am not brave enough to say how much I weigh, I am so proud of you for saying it. It's not like people can't tell, although I carry it pretty good because the majority of my weight is on my hips/butt/thighs... One day I hope I will be as brave as you to put the number out there.

    Good luck!!!

    1. Awww *hugs* thanks for your thoughtful comment Launna! <3
      It sounds like you're well on your way to achieving your goal weight and living a healthy lifestyle.

      When I think of my weight as a number, I feel kind of like it's not "me" it's just something about me that I can change, if that makes any sense. So I don't feel ashamed admitting the number... I mean looking at me, it's obvious I weigh a lot, haha! But I can totally understand how it makes some people feel uncomfortable, so don't feel any pressure to reveal something about yourself that you don't want to reveal. :)

      And yes! Lets be partners in crime and do this together! :D

  2. Hi, Hun...I have been doing the same thing over on my blog...
    My weight went up with each kid I had. With my first I gained 100 pounds(and really didn't lose much), the other 2 not so much only maybe about 30 pounds. Then I found out I had lupus and fibromyalgia and just went into deep depression. Some days, it was just so hard to get out of bed. Last year, I came out of the depression, and really looked at myself and said I can't live like this. When I started my path on to healthy living I was well over 450 pounds and 8 months later, I am happy to say I'm almost at 350.(my husband and eldest daughter have even joined me, and they are doing great too)
    I was a big, big soda drinker and now all I drink is water. Soda makes me sick now just to smell it, lol

    1. Congratulations Tara! Loosing weight when you're really heavy is hard (simply for the fact that it's hard to exercise/breathe/move around due to the weight, and that in turn makes exercise something of an ordeal, that others can't really imagine), so I truly commend you on how much you've achieved. :)

      I'm sorry to hear about your medical conditions *hugs* It sounds like you have a loving, supportive family, and that can make all the difference. :)

      On a side note - I've been hearing really good things about this stuff called 'Beyond Tangy Tangerine', and it helping with a lot of medical conditions, weight loss, and general health, and am thinking of getting some for myself. Here's a link to it:

      And if you live in the states, it's really cheap to order from this site:

      I really want to try it!! :D If you decide to, let me know what it's like.

  3. *hug hug hug hug* I wanted to cry, reading this, because I know exactly how this feels. Growing up, I was a VERY chubby kid. When I reached 16, my body started evening out, I started naturally losing some weight, etc. My weight constantly fluctuated. When I flew here, into Utah, I was at my largest weight (I think. I didn't weigh myself, but I am going by pictures.)

    Shortly after we were married, Jen and I worked our first job - a seasonal job, together, on Lake Powell. Because I was constantly up and moving, tried boating, did hiking, etc. I started losing weight. I dropped from 180lbs (possibly even more) to about 150lbs. Once the season was over, we came back home - the weight came back.

    In 2009, we had a new seasonal job. Every day, I walked from our trailer to the store for breakfast; I did a LOT of walking, so did Jen and we often walked together. Plus we rode in the rodeo, worked, hiked, etc. When we came home after THAT season, I was in my 130lbs. Lowest EVER.

    After that, I worked from home and now I'm working on my disability. Last month I was officially 200lbs. Right now, after doing more biking and walking, I'm 188lbs. My dream goal is 125lbs. Not just for how I look... I love my body and appearance, as does Jen, but because I want more energy and to simply be healthier!

    We can DO IT, girl!

    1. Awwwwww!! Angie!!! <3 I didn't mean to make sad! *hugs*

      For some people, weight (be it needing to gain weight or lose it) is a constant, life long battle. And for some lucky bastards it comes easy haha!

      It sounds like you're well on your way to 125, and will be there in no time! Keep it up girl! *hugs*

  4. Issues with stress, life, emotional strain always play havoc on people in different ways. And yes it can be very hard to control or know how to change!
    After I had my son I was a normal, if not slightly overweight for my height. But a few years later I went through a divorce, moved countries, and felt so much strain on me as a person every ounce of fat fell off of me.
    I think people misconstrue this to be a dream situation, but it isnt. You get to the point where you look sick, tired, embarrassed to wear certain clothes....and it isnt just a matter of "eat more and youll gain weight".
    I think youd understand that, its more about changing mentally first and your body reacts and shows it.
    I think youre on a grand journey now, one thats really inspiring, and one that can help others towards loving and accepting themselves no matter what shape!
    We all have our own body issues, but to me youre an inspiration of hope and I really look up to you for it!
    You go girl!!

  5. Go Sasha!! =) You have my support in your endeavour!! I am one of those skinny-no-matter-what-I-do people, so I can't even begin to appreciate how much effort and dedication is required to lose weight ... HOWEVER, I know you can do it if you want to :D Woohoo!


Every comment is read and appreciated! I love hearing your thoughts! :)
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